Well well well, well.
It’s that time of year again, where you start feeling like hibernating. And honestly after this last Halloween month (month cause that’s what it felt like) and all that yummy food from November 24th, a little hibernation wouldn’t hurt.
But hibernation vibes don’t just mean sleepy time for the baddies, it also means guilt. Y’all feel guilty for choosing to stay home instead of hustling around town to go to shows or pop out at events? I do. And I’ve heard other first generation + BIPOC baddies say the same thing recently.
We are SOO fucking tired…but who cares. Our families sacrificed so much to either come to this country or make sure that we had food on our plate everyday for 18+ years, sometimes both - and we chose to be artists. So who cares that we are tired. You hear that guilt?
There are weeks that go by and I haven’t had a moment to myself. As an only child, time spent solely with myself is the way I recalibrate myself. And yet, when I do get that moment of me time, I’m bugged by my own anxious worries “why am I wasting time?” I know I know, everyone and their mother on the internet tells me to breathe, that I have to meditate, that I am young and I don’t have to have it all figured out. But my dude, it’s really hard to not compare yourself to folks coming from abundance of resources (money, network, experience). To not compare myself is easy enough but to realize how much more support they have is the hard part. I’m not here to whine about folks waking up with a backpack full of resources, no ma’am, y’all are lucky - live your life. I am saying that it is frustrating to know that I will have to continue to raw dogging life exponentially because my backpack has authenticity, the best vibes and my ancestors’ energy - which I am very grateful for.
That’s all noise though, I can’t possibly sit in my room and think about everyone else. Fuck that shit. You know what makes my anxious thoughts go away? Having a peer tell me they see my hustle, they see my art, they see what I’m trying to build. Writing down all my thoughts. Getting on stage. That shit is so mmm mm MMM! *good*
I just finished “listening” to The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo and I bet if you’ve read it, you can also say that there are many lessons to be taken away from the story. For me, the biggest lesson was to keep following that dream, that you have to be your own advocate and the ones that make it…are the ones who just keep going PA’LANTE.
xoxo
Michelladonna
P.S. The library literally has audio books for free with the library membership. I love the library <3